Childhood Nightmare

I'm having one of those days. I feel like a lot of people my age, or at least from my generation have this overwhelming dichotomy of childhood vs adulthood. I have a hard time letting go of childhood. No, nothing horrible happened in my childhood, I did not experience a traumatic rearing. That's not in the least what I have a hard time letting go of. Dependence is one of the biggest problems I face as an adult. I feel like I spent my whole life trying to become independent yet I keep being pulled back into the pit of dependence (or perhaps I'm leaping blindly in....). Whether its emotionally, psychologically, financially, I seem to keep being pulled back into a pit. It seems like every time I go back home to my parents house, I get overly emotional and often end up crying. Its like the moment I walk into the house, I feel tremendous guilt. I've put my parents through a lot of shit. As a teenager, I was a nightmare at home. I was always moody, always argumentative, and very emotionally and hormonally out of balance. On the other hand, I was an honor roll student who worked a 30 hr a week job and paid for everything herself. Then I became "independent" and experienced college life. Though I held jobs through school and maintained good grades, I almost aimlessly took 6 years to complete my undergraduate degree. Along the way, they often paid my rent, or a portion of it, they paid for school supplies, they bought me clothes, they paid my car insurance. On another note, they helped pay my court costs the few times I got tickets in high school and the time I got arrested in undergrad. They have spent so much money on me, and helped me along the way so much that I feel now, I'm 24 and have nothing to show for it. I feel like all hardships in life create lessons learned, but maybe I wasn't paying attention, or that I missed something along the way, because I am still not financially independent. Its the worst feeling in the world, because it seems like a goal that is attainable, and I get so close to it so many times. And then, reality kicks in, knocks me off my feet, and I'm left there crying like the little girl who fell off her bike.
When my financial life crumbles, I revert into a fucking child.
When life doesn't go my way, I revert into a fucking child.
When I feel left out, I revert into a fucking child.
When I feel sick, I revert into a fucking child.
When I wake up, I revert into a fucking child.
I am a fucking child.